Wednesday, March 4, 2009

My mum's a dummy!

Are you a dummy like mum?

Mum bought this book to try and learn stuff so that one day folk might think she’s intelligent. It’s not worked, she’s in a right tizz. Uncle Hugh’s in Switzerland so I’m having to put up with her all by myself and she was almost CRYING this morning after reading it. Her face looked all hot and red.

This is for Dummies,” she cried, “and I still don’t understand it. That means I’m less than a Dummy. What’s less than a Dummy? Billy no brains? I don’t think there’s anything rattling around up here, Henry. I think it’s empty. Tell me you think I’m smart, please….” and she started blubbering.

Well, what could I say? Nothing, of course. I just looked at her. Then she had the cheek to say, “Stop looking at me as if I were an injured puppy!” Honestly, it’s not even PMS time. If it was, I could understand, but it isn’t.

Why does she want to know stuff about Physics anyway? And what did she really expect? That she’d read it and ‘hey presto’ she’d turn into a Rocket Scientist? I wanted to say, “Wait until Uncle Hugh gets home and he’ll explain all the stuff you can’t understand.” Then after thinking about how that simple, harmless sentence might have been received, I thought that perhaps it’s a good job I can’t speak.

I think she might be a bit anxious about going back to the yUK this Sunday. She might be worried about how she’ll fit back into a 9-5 office role and wondering what it is she’ll actually be doing. I don’t know. I do know that she’s stressing that she hasn’t got any ‘work clothes’ anymore. Honestly mum, you do stress about some daft things.

I’ve been wondering about my blogging when I’m away. I can’t imagine having much to blog about. Between you, me and the gatepost it’s fairly mundane in the kennels. All the stuff that goes on is very doggy, and not stuff that you humans would understand. I don’t think you’d appreciate me explaining all the vagaries of my doggy pals, especially when most of them simply don’t apply to humans. It’d be like talking gobbledegook to you. Most of my posts have been inspired by my life with mum and Uncle Hugh. There’s only so much you can explain to humans about the complexities of scent, and stuff like that.

So, I’ve been thinking about encouraging mum to blog whilst I’m away. I think it would be cathartic for her – so that she could get stuff off her chest whilst she ventures into her new life back in old yUK.

Obviously, she wouldn’t take over from me. After all, I’m the star. She could have her own blogsite that I’d link to where you folk could visit, and then I’d start blogging again when I get back. I’m having a think. Your comments/suggestions would be appreciated.

We went for a walk when she stopped crying and it was pissing it down. It’s all right for mum, she had her waterproofs on, I simply had my fur – here are a couple of photos of me looking very wet:

And here's one of me yesterday when I stopped mid-walk and refused to go any further because it was TOO WARM! Honestly, this weather.

It's hailing at the moment. Doesn't know what to do with itself.


meili_lo said...

hi Henry... i think you've grown! just wanna say I miss you dear dog ;o)

French Fancy... said...

I also think that mum must be quite anxious about going back to an office environment. I'd be the same, but the worry in advance is going to be much worse than when she is actually in situ and getting on with the job. Why do we humans torture ourselves with all this anticipatory angst, Henry? Please reassure her that she will do just fine. As for work clothes - anything black and comfy, that's my motto (with bright gloves and boots - that will cheer her up).

As for science - I've just done the first draft of my essay and I've been trying to understand various experiments about oxygen. Bugger it - it's like another language.

Re mum having her own blog - it's a brilliant idea. I'd so love to chat to her direct.

A Woman Of No Importance said...

Henry - I can't imagine what good knowing about Physics is to your mum - Even if she were thinking about going on University Challenge, and that's been found to be a haven for cheating this week!

How will your mum work part time in UK, and live part time en France? Have I missed a blog - Blame the Google Gremlins, again...

As for the wardrobe - I wouldn't worry, as everything seems to 'go' in offices these days.

I think you still look lovely all wet, Henry, and I can even smell your lovely scent from here. I shall look forward to your mum's venting spleen blogs - That's what blogging is for! Ciao!

Anonymous said...

I'm pretty sure I haven*t missed a blog post - so what IS all this about your mum working part-time in the UK?!!! Tell us more. Now. Immediately. (And I'll give you a bone...)

What will she be doing? Will Uncle Hugh be there too? How long will she be gone? Guess it's got something to do with the credit munchies... Please tell us!

Oh - and tell your mum that she must blog while you're away. After all, we'll all want to know how you're doing and how she's doing. Also - it will keep her mind off missing you too much...

As for clothes - my taste is nearly as good as my cooking skills!

OK - you can get off the ceiling now...

Blu said...

Bonsoir Henri, lovely to see you again, wet and dry!! I suppose I could go and google fizickz? but I am more into history at the mo.

Tell MUM I think she might be okish at blogging too. xxx Blu xxx

Stubby said...

I can't imagine anyone (except a physicist) wanting to know anything about physics. Mom is horrible at math and even "Math For Dummies" wouldn't help her. She is okay with not knowing a bunch of useless stuff because she has no plans to go on Jeopardy!

I think your mum should have a blog. I'm surprised that you didn't think of it earlier Henry because you are such a smart dog. Mom started a new blog a couple of weeks ago, but it's nothing much - just a bunch of pictures.

I hate getting wet - yuk! I sometimes refuse to go out when it's raining or snowing and it makes Mom furious - I love it! You don't look bad wet,though I look downright homely when I am wet.

Frankie Furter and Ernie said...

Oh Henry my friend, I will miss you. Before you go, I thought I would tell you another thing about those window marks. Mom knew some people who had a dachshund named Stretch. That is pretty funny, but this is the best part. They called the marks that he made...
STRETCH MARKS !!! I don't understand it totally but mom says your mum will get it.
I also have a new development. I have met Ruby and Penny from your blog. They are going to be my new girlfriends. They are hotties!!! My dad is very much jealous. He says I have TWINS, and that it is something every guy dreams of. Mom said that dad and I are not allowed to talk about this any more. I don't know why though.
And guess what, Ruby and Penny think I am a studmuffin. That must be a grrreat thing to call me. Mom isn't impressed though.
They are really gorgous girls.
I liked your wet and dry pics.
Please let me know when you start start blogging again. Okay,buddy?
Licks & Wags

Anonymous said...

Ok, seriously, Henry, tell your mum not to fret - just because she doesn't get physics, doesn't mean she's daft. I didn't get physics in high school. Let alone get it now. HA! I'll pass, thank you very much. Whatever possessed her to purchase that as reading material? It's better used as a chew toy for you!

As for your mum blogging whilst in the UK . . . um, she must, if for no other reason but to tell us how you're doing! And I agree with you that it could be good for her. I find writing to be quite helpful!

Your pix are absolutely adorable.

Juliet Colors said...

Oh, Henry, there are many different kinds of intelligence, and some of the people that have the kind necessary for understanding physics in depth are not all that interesting. I've never picked up a Physics for Dummies book, but my understanding is that those "Dummies" books are the book equivalent of a chain restaurant. So I don't think your mum should feel bad for not enjoying the contents.

As for blogging, I do hope she will take it up while you are away. I find it very therapeutic. It might even help her cope with the recent changes in her life and routine. (I know how tough that can be!) Plus we will miss hearing about you both if one of you doesn't keep in touch!

Your pics are adorable as usual, Henry. :-*

amuse me said...

Henry, you tell mum whatever she's writing my lady and I will be reading. She got a bit of a hee-hee out of the dummies book. She bought a crosswords for dummies once and finally threw it away because she was too dumb for even those! Maybe they should start Breathing for Dummies because that would be understandable! Keep us "posted" on what you and mum decide to write. :) KC

Kat said...

Henry, I think it would be a good idea for your mum to blog while you are separated. I am glad that you will allow it.

Jane! said...

Yes, maybe Mum could be your 'Guest Blogger' for a spell!

Clive said...

We've only just got to know you and we will miss you so much if you take a break!

But we think your Mum should definitely blog while she's away ...

and we look forward to hearing from you again soon!

Those Dummy guides are rubbish really - someone brought the Dummy Guide to Blogging 2009 into this house the other day - me and cat take turns sitting on it!

Tell your Mum lots of luck with the office job - and an hour in M&S and her office clothes will be sorted.

Lots of woofs from all the gang!

♥ Braja said...

Darling Henry, please tell your mummy she MUST do a blog and we'll be so happy to be introduced to her AT LAST :))


ps: but we'll miss you...perhaps your mum can arrange a weekly session on the internet for you before she goes?

And I don't know when all this happened?? How long will mum be gone?

lisahgolden said...

Please give your mum a kiss for me and tell her that I know how she's feeling. Change is difficult. For you - it means that you will be making new friends and doing dog things.

I hope your mum will blog with you. You can be the star and she can post here, too. I think that would be wonderful.

Lee said...

Ah, never mind. Physics was always one of those topics that I sort of understood while the book was open in front of me and had no idea about once it was closed. Do I constitute 'good company'? Jury's out.

SSP said...

i tried to study astro-geophysics in college, Henry. The astronomy was awesome...the geology was not so bad, but the physics??? deat lord, tell your mum to Ph*k Physics (though I do have a thing for physicists....) Love your soggy little face!!

lady jicky said...

Don't worry about the book! It is the sort of thing that life is too short for! LOL
I think your Mum will be fine returning to work - she is not as silly as she thinks!
Like someone said before - maybe you could rent her a spot on your blog Henry. That way you will get a little pocket money!
See Ya!

Henry the Dog said...

Wow, I go to bed, get up forgetting that I posted this and suddenly all these comments to answer.

Meili-lo - where have you been? Actually, I think I've shrunk - blame the rain:):)

French Fancy - mum always tortures herself, and then it turns out just fine. Maybe one day she'll learn. She thinks you're right about black - it'd be cheap and she could brighten herself up with some of her MANY necklaces, beads and bangly stuff. As for her own blog - 'tis sorted. She's really looking forward to having a chinwag with you;) xxx

W Woman of NI - mum loves scientific stuff, but she cant understand a lot of it. (She reads New Scientist). Things like the Hadron Collider really excite her (sad, sad) so she thought she'd try to make up for her miss-spent youth and try and learn about it. As for the post where I tell you about mum going back to the UK -cut and paste this:
And yes, wet dog - there's no smell quite like it:)

Lady Fi -
That tells you all about it, and yes it is the Credit Munch. They're going to try and make some more plastic. Maybe that's what the physics book is for? Do we get more in the series of your life as a cook soon (Henry starts giggling again).....

Blu - mum doesn't need to read about history, she just visits your blog! And a few others. I think that following all these blogs has made her more eager to learn stuff xx

Stubby - it's just something she's interested in. She now wishes she'd bought Maths for Dummies too. As for her own blog - after reading these comments I sorted it. She will be posting on her own blogsite from 8th March. I'll let you know. Getting wet is no fun, it's hard work because I'm twice as heavy when wet:(

Frankie - Mum's laughing so much at your comments. And to be honest, so am I. Studmuffin! I love it. You little Stufmuffin you. And twins????? No, I don't get it but mum's giggling. I'll be away every second week, but will keep everyone informed about my movements:)

Kathryn - a chew toy? This book is bloody enormous - I couldn't get my tiny jaws around it. As I said above, mum's really into scientific stuff - she wanted to try and understand it more. And yes, she will definitely be blogging about her new life in yUK.

Juliet - you are so kind and lovely. Perhaps your man can explain why time is squared in the formula for acceleration????? Apparently there's no explanation in the book. Don't ask me, mum told me to write it!!!! I have NOOOO idea what she's gabbling about. Mum will be blogging. I think she's looking forward to 'meeting' you.

KC - well mum spat her coffee out when she read that "Breathing for Dummies". Now she's having one of her giggling fits. Thanks for cheering her up:)

Kat - mum is definitely coming round to the idea of blogging. She's shy. But it will mean she can go places I can't. If you get me;)

Jane - no, she can have her own site, she's a control freak and she's neurotic. My God Rex, it would be too crowded on here.....x

Blogdog - I'll only be gone a week at a time. It'll fly by. And I'll tell mum to keep up to date with your blog xxx

Braja - mum's really looking forward to 'meeting' you too;) You do know about it, if you read this it'll bring it all back to you:
It's only for one week at a

Lisa - mum's having her own blogsite, and she's looking forward to commenting on blogs like yours, where mum thinks little dogs shouldn't always tread;)

Lee - I reckon that you're very normal in that sense and mum reckons you'd be GREAT company:)

SSP - astro....what???? My goodness, I can't even say it. You sound like one VERY intelligent young woman. Mum would be in awe of you!!!

Kenzo - I was going to rent her a spot. I was going to have her guest blog. But I know my mum and she would have taken over and been all 'Alpha Bitch' about it. So she's having her own! I'll point you all there when I go to the kennels. xxx

Anonymous said...

Bonjour Henri, of course your mum should blog but we'd miss you if you stopped entirely.
I know how your mum feels about that physics book. I once picked up Stephen Hawkin's A Brief History of Time because everyone, but EVERYONE, was saying how it was so easy to understand. Was it hell. I got a few pages in and couldn't make sense of anything.

Henry the Dog said...

Parisgirl - I couldn't stop blogging. I'm much too verbose. Maybe those folk who said it was easy were all lying because they didn't want to appear thick!

French Fancy... said...

Couldn't just stop at one comment could I?

I do the same - think and think and anticipate and imagine the worst and think again, whenever something that I think is going to be unpleasant is looming up. what happens is that it all works out find - I get cross with myself for having had anxious sleepless nights and say I'll never worry in advance again ...till the next time.

Your mum will be just fine and we'll be laughing about her worry in couple of weeks. Anyone who can guide you into writing such a superb blog, Henry, is always going to do well

Henry the Dog said...

Honestly, you women. Mum's terrible. She makes herself physically ill sometimes - then she does the same as you - swears no more sleepless nights - until the next time. And thanks for the compliment xxx

Marie and John said...

Hello Henry,

Tell your mum not to worry about being a dummy with regards to physics. All I can remember from it at school was Ohamh's law and I must say that's come in really useful ! ! !

So what if she can't get her head around it. It's not as if she intends to become a physics teacher.

I think your mum should have her own blog. Tell to go for it. I've been meaning to do the same but just haven't got around to it.

Poor you getting so wet. If it's any consolation you look so cute.


Mickle in NZ said...

Oh Henry, you look like a right grubby lad in the photos. Don't you know how to wash your own face?

I think your Mum should "do" her own blog just when and where ever she wants to. Of course I'm biased coz Henry has revealed that his Mum is the same age as me.

Henry - Mum and Mickle are both DRAGON types according to the chinese zodiac, as revealed by blogspot stuff.

I just wish happy times for Henry and your darling Mum. Am happy to be happy with you each and both...

" I want to be happy, but I can't be happy unless....... you're happy toooooooo"

Yep - Zebby snoozling, with a snuggled up style of happiness (raining outside, Zeb and Mickle inside)

French Fancy... said...

I am sorry that I get so caught up with my comments that I always forget to mention how lovely the photos are. Mum is making good use of the camera, I'm glad to note.

bindu said...

Henry - I don't know how I didn't come to your blog sooner. You have such a great sense of humour, and I'm really amazed that you are able to type so well too. I hope you manage to blog from the kennel because I'll come often to read about you.

Henry the Dog said...

Marie & John - I know it's not important is it? And I can't even pronounce that law you remember. However, I think it's the fact that book is supposed to be for Dummies, and she still doesn't get it. A bit demeaning for her methinks:) And yes, mum will definitely be blogging about her experiences in the UK.

Mickle - yep mum is a Dragon and yes she is the same age as you. Mum's asking which song that comes from - was it a Dave Bowie one? So happy that Zeb is now fine. Mum's first blog post will be up on Saturday, I think she's looking forward to talking to everyone. xxx

FFancy - the photos are so good because I'm so photogenic and so damned cute:)

Bindu - thanks for popping over, hope to see you again soon. I won't be blogging from the kennels, but my mum will be blogging in my stead whilst I'm away. She's quite fun too, but not nearly as smart as me:) xx

SSQuo said...

Im dying to hear from mum directly too. I can't imagine the thoughts she has if she has such a clever and witty dog like yourself!!

Its a fantastic idea for her to blog. I can't wait to read it.

Henry the Dog said...

SSQuo - you are so sweet with your lovely compliments. Thank you xx

J Cosmo Newbery said...

Not sure why anyone would need to study physics. Once you grasp the basics of gravity you have all you need.

Henry the Dog said...

"Once you grasp the basics of gravity...." mum's laughing hysterically and holding her tum.

Jennysmith said...

Great post, Henry. Sorry i;ve come on here so late.

Do you know , tell your mum not to be so hard on herself, i don't think those Dummy books are all that really. Got through 2 of them and i've learnt frack-all quite honestly.

One to get stains out and another about sewing. they don't explain it as well as you'd think. so don't worry.

you are so photogenic!! xxxx

Dog_geek said...

It's okay, Henry - Physics always made me cry, too. That, and P-Chem. And sometimes Calculus. It's the math anxiety, I think. Anyway, don't worry too much about your mum - it's a normal reaction to Physics, from what I can tell.

J. L. Krueger said...

I'd say tell your mum...but of course you can't. She'll recover from the physics thing. She's no dummy, there's lots of people who can't understand physics. It's a different kind of math.

Duncan and Oliver's mom freezes up for any math problem that begins: There are two trains, one heading east, one heading west...she's absolutely worthless helping the two-legged pups with math homework.

Jenn Jilks said...

Delightful blog! My cats must read it. We take them for a walk down to the lake every day.

Henry the Dog said...

Jennysmith - that will make mum feel much better, she thought it was just her.

Dog Geek - thanks. Glad to know it's not just mum who reacts like that to physics. Your photos of the pup are lovely, by the way. xx

JLK - Ha ha! I like that. Yeah, mum's very like that. Perhaps it's a mental block:)

Jenn Jilks - thanks for dropping by. Walking cats? That's something I must see. I'm scared of cats!