Yesterday I went with Uncle Hugh to his friend’s house where they have lots of bushes growing grapes. There were lots and lots of people there and I got loads of attention. They all talked gobbledygook but I didn’t mind. I like French people. They’re simple folk who can’t speak properly but they’re really nice. They give me food and pet me a lot.
It was really really early when we got there - before my breakfast - and they were already drinking wine and eating. The French like eating and drinking, but there aren’t any of those binge drinkers over here – they all live in the UK.
Anyway, after breakfast they all went to the bushes that were growing the grapes and they started picking the grapes, and guess what? They didn’t eat them! They put them in baskets and then the baskets got carried away. Why bother picking them if you don’t eat them? I picked them too but I ate mine and Uncle Hugh was a bit worried, he said “your mum says that you shouldn’t eat grapes – last month she read an article that said they’re bad for dogs”.
It’s a bummer being a dog because I can’t talk back but I would have reminded him that I’ve been eating grapes since I was a small puppy and they haven’t done me any harm and that mum and he should stop taking notice of all the stuff that they put in the newspapers. I wanted to tell him that the grapes aren't anywhere near as bad for me as the Haribo Jellies that he feeds me when mum's away. I know that grapes can have a bad effect on some dogs, but not me. Just like chocolate - some dogs can eat it and some dogs can't because it would kill them. I wouldn't touch chocolate 'cause I know my body wouldn't tolerate it. Us dogs aren't stupid. Some of us know what's bad for us just by smelling it. Some don't - but then some dogs are really, REALLY thick. Like Labradors.
If you acted on everything that they put in the newspapers these days you wouldn’t eat or drink anything would you? It seems that everything can kill you these days – even tomatoes. Moderation’s the key, but a lot of humans don’t seem to realise that.
The End of the Pier Show
8 hours ago