Uncle Hugh has a flying car

....And sometimes I go in it, but only when mum goes back to the UK, which she does from time to time. I think it's called a 'That Thing' because before she goes she always says to Uncle Hugh "Don't you dare take him up in That Thing whilst I'm away. Take him for walks like any normal dog owner would. Demonstrate a bit of responsibility for the little lad." But Uncle Hugh always ignores her. Mum goes to the UK in a really big That Thing - a huge flying bus.

I like going in That Thing because I get to meet Uncle Hugh's friend who he calls "Le Fred". Le Fred is french and really nice. He always gives me bits of cheese and plays with me but he talks gobbledygook too, just like the french dogs. It's strange though because whenever Uncle Hugh is with Le Fred he speaks gobbledygook as well (and mum does too sometimes). But they seem to get along ok. I think the french people must be very thick, because they can't speak English. Perhaps this gobbledygook is a very simple form of communication. Sometimes I hear familiar sounds coming out of Le Fred's mouth. Whenever we are around That Thing, I'm sure I hear something that sounds like "Lerrperrteeavion". I've even heard something similar, like "Monperrteeavion" coming out of Uncle Hugh's mouth when he's with Le Fred and the other guys who hang around the place where That Thing lives.

When I go in That Thing Uncle Hugh always ties a white scarf around my neck and straps some silly eye goggles on my head and I feel really gay. Then Le Fred and Uncle Hugh laugh for a long time and sometimes take photos of me. They once sat me in the front seat of That Thing where it looked really complicated. Much more complicated than mum's car. There were lots of dials and stuff that I didn't understand and they made me stand with my paws on the steering wheel. I obliged to humour them, then Uncle Hugh took photos of me and lots of other french guys did too. I had quite a crowd of people taking photos of me. I suddenly realised how Victoria Beckham must feel, and I liked it - but I smiled, I wonder why she never does?

Anyway, when I go in That Thing, they stick me in the back seat, where there isn't much room and there's lots of noise then it runs down the long road for a bit and then jumps in the air and we float around for a while and my ears feel funny, then I normally go to sleep. I usually wake up when it gets back on the ground and sometimes we're in a strange place and I go with Uncle Hugh and Le Fred for lunch in the strange place. Le Fred always gives me some of his bread and lets me lick his plate when he's finished. Something my mum would be REALLY angry about if she knew. Uncle Hugh says "don't tell mum". As if!!!