CERN gets mum excited & she thinks Jeremy Clarkson is a God

Recently mum has been talking alot about this CERN place. It really excites her. On 10th September she got all giddy, saying it was the most exciting thing to happen in her time. Then I found out that at this CERN place they are going to make really teeny weeny bits of dust collide with each other. These bits of dust are smaller than the nits that fleas sometimes lay on my hair when mum's forgot to use the 'spot on'. It worries me that mum can get excited about bits of dust colliding. I reckon that Uncle Hugh should take mum out more.

I had a surf on the internet and found this http://public.web.cern.ch/public/ . I'm a dog so none of it made any sense at all. It all looked very complicated to me considering that all they're doing is smashing bits of dust together. But I guess if mum wants to get excited about bits of dust then that's her prerogative. Uncle Hugh says it might be the end of the world once the dust starts colliding. How can smashing bits of dust together, albeit at high speed, cause the end of the world? I think he was making a joke because mum said that word that she's says quite alot these days "bollocks".

I sometimes wonder why humans do things like that - smash dust together. It seems to me that sometimes when humans find themselves with time on their hands, instead of just sleeping - which is what us dogs do - they have to do something, even if it isn't useful. Mum and Uncle Hugh sometimes spend all night sitting in front of the TV. Sometimes they watch people cooking food. Food that they can't eat, because it's on the TV. I don't understand. How useless is that?

Sometimes they watch something called Top Gear. On Top Gear is a man called Jeremy Clarkson. Jeremy Clarkson is a God, apparently. I know he is 'cause mum says he is and Uncle Hugh agrees, so he must be. I thought Gods lived in churches but I think God Jeremy Clarkson lives in a big hangar on a disused airfield and drives fast cars all day. I wonder if he can perform miracles? Mum says he should be in control. In control of what?