It was all to do with very short people!

Mum seems much happier because apparantly the markets are selling their cheese and stuff again. I heard mum saying to Uncle Hugh that the newspapers were saying that one of the reasons that the markets have been having a bad time lately is due to the actions of ‘short sellers’. I don’t really know what ‘short sellers’ are. I think they’re probably really, REALLY short people who sell things, but don’t quote me. Maybe they’re a different type of human, just like I’m a dog, but I’m a mini schnauzer. There are lots of types of dogs, so perhaps there are lots of types of humans.

Thinking back there MUST be lots of types of humans, because I hear mum talking about them. There are ‘lying, cheating, bastard politicians’ - they're the ones who are in control of the United Kingdom. I used to think the Queen was in control but apparently she's not. She's just very rich. There are ‘useless WAGS’ - I think that to be a WAG you have to have i) orange skin, ii) a boyfriend who plays football, iii) the ability to spend an enormous amount of someone elses money on things that aren't particularly useful and iv) an IQ below 25 - at least that's what mum says. There are 'binge drinkers' - they are people who think it is enormous fun to drink such huge amounts of alcohol in such a short space of time that it makes them vomit and pass out - perhaps they have an IQ below 25 too. There are ‘benefit cheats’ - they are people who steal money off taxpayers, ‘couch potatoes’ - vegetables that sit on the sofa all day watching daytime TV, ‘teenage mums’ - they do babies instead of GCSE's, ‘compensation culture leeches’ - they blame other people when they don't look where they're going and trip up and hurt themselves, ‘solicitors’ - they cause a lot of trouble then charge lots of money for it, I could go on - I reckon there are as many types of humans as there are dogs.

Anyway, mum is happier – a bit. When mum is happy she wraps herself around Uncle Hugh a lot and they touch their lips together and she calls him that other name – Sweet Hart.