Monday, September 22, 2008

It was all to do with very short people!

Mum seems much happier because apparantly the markets are selling their cheese and stuff again. I heard mum saying to Uncle Hugh that the newspapers were saying that one of the reasons that the markets have been having a bad time lately is due to the actions of ‘short sellers’. I don’t really know what ‘short sellers’ are. I think they’re probably really, REALLY short people who sell things, but don’t quote me. Maybe they’re a different type of human, just like I’m a dog, but I’m a mini schnauzer. There are lots of types of dogs, so perhaps there are lots of types of humans.

Thinking back there MUST be lots of types of humans, because I hear mum talking about them. There are ‘lying, cheating, bastard politicians’ - they're the ones who are in control of the United Kingdom. I used to think the Queen was in control but apparently she's not. She's just very rich. There are ‘useless WAGS’ - I think that to be a WAG you have to have i) orange skin, ii) a boyfriend who plays football, iii) the ability to spend an enormous amount of someone elses money on things that aren't particularly useful and iv) an IQ below 25 - at least that's what mum says. There are 'binge drinkers' - they are people who think it is enormous fun to drink such huge amounts of alcohol in such a short space of time that it makes them vomit and pass out - perhaps they have an IQ below 25 too. There are ‘benefit cheats’ - they are people who steal money off taxpayers, ‘couch potatoes’ - vegetables that sit on the sofa all day watching daytime TV, ‘teenage mums’ - they do babies instead of GCSE's, ‘compensation culture leeches’ - they blame other people when they don't look where they're going and trip up and hurt themselves, ‘solicitors’ - they cause a lot of trouble then charge lots of money for it, I could go on - I reckon there are as many types of humans as there are dogs.

Anyway, mum is happier – a bit. When mum is happy she wraps herself around Uncle Hugh a lot and they touch their lips together and she calls him that other name – Sweet Hart.


French Fancy said...

Talking of compensation culture, Henry, did you know that the City of Westminster spends more on paying compensation to people that trip over dodgy paving stones than on maintaining said pavement.

Henry the Dog said...

I've now found your comments - no I didn't know that, but why am I not surprised?