Friday, January 2, 2009

Bread and boating - in that order

Thank you everyone who wished me all the best for the New Year. I hope you’re all feeling well. Mum and Uncle Hugh looked terrible yesterday. I think they ended up drinking too much of that grape juice on New Year’s Eve. I kept out of their way. They were all giddy and really shouldn’t have been in charge of a dog. At one stage Uncle Hugh took me outside for a pee, he had one himself then went back inside and locked the door – totally forgot about me. That resulted in a ‘mini row’ (mini rows only last five minutes) when mum shouted and said he was an irresponsible father. Honestly, bad parents or what?

Anyway, I’m digressing already. Well it’s now 2009 and when I looked outside yesterday it all seemed the same to me. It’s no different this morning either. The sky’s still where it is and when the sun does finally emerge, I reckon that’ll still be shining too. So nothing’s changed much has it?

Actually, I’m knackered this morning and it’s all mum’s fault. Mum & Uncle Hugh went to bed quite late, which isn’t like them. They’re normally snoozing by ten, but they were watching a BBC programme about three grumpy men in a boat – more about that later (as I said before – thread of suspense and all that – keeps ‘em reading). Then mum decided that we needed more bread (despite the fact that there are eight frozen loaves squished uncomfortably in the tiny freezer compartment above the fridge). She decided we needed more bread because she wanted to try out the ‘Delay Start Programme’ of her breadmaking machine*.

Won’t it be lovely to wake up in the morning to the smell of fresh bread?” Oh yes mum, how utterly divine.

At 4.00am sharp, I’m woken by the bloody thing mixing then kneading the dough. IT IS SO NOISY. It’s worse than the bloody dishwasher (ok perhaps not, but I’m used to the dishwasher). After about half an hour it stopped, and I’m thinking “Thank bloody God Rex for that.” However, no sooner had I started to drop off again when it suddenly starts up again. And I’m thinking “How is a dog supposed to get some sleep in this house?” When I finally DO get back to sleep, an hour later I’m woken by mum and Uncle Hugh - all bright and breezy and expecting me to be waggy-tailed and sparkly-eyed. “What do you think’s up with him this morning? He doesn’t seem too pleased to see us,” mum asked Uncle Hugh. Well what a surprise, mum!

Just going back to the boating thing that mum and Uncle Hugh watched on TV last night - it was about some grumpy men who try to get from one place in the UK to another place in the UK – by sea. Well it made me think about when we drove to Barcelona last summer where a friend of Uncle Hugh had invited him to spend a couple of days on his boat that he had moored there.

Mum HATES the sea and she HATES boats. Since she was severely traumatised by this film called “Jaws” when she was a young girl she’s always had a fear of both. She’ll paddle up to her ankles, and she’s quite happy going on river boats - but that’s it. So I’ve absolutely no idea why she agreed to spend a couple of days on a boat, on the sea. Looking back, I think she did it to please Uncle Hugh.

It turned out to be not too bad because the boat was actually moored in a calm marina. However, mum took one look at it then went and booked a hotel room. She said there was no way she was sleeping in something that rocked, whose living quarters were smaller than the inside of her car and whose toilet had walls that were paper thin and blue smelly stuff to flush everything that everyone on board had heard her deposit. Mum’s got a few issues when it comes to toilets.

She was quite happy being on the boat whilst it was moored and after a couple of glasses of fizzy stuff, she agreed to one trip out of the marina onto the real sea. However, it resulted in mum going all wild-eyed, white and rigid and emitting this strange, high-pitched whine. When they moored back up Uncle Hugh and his friend, Malcolm, had to prise her fingers off the deck rail in order to get her off the boat. That was the last trip for mum.

Me? I had a great time. I consider myself to be a rather seasoned seadog now. Uncle Hugh and I had lots of trips – mum seemed quite happy to be left in the marina drinking fizzy stuff. It won’t happen again though – the Credit Munch took that particular boat away and I don’t think Uncle Hugh has anymore boating pals.

However, I did have a skip around the Internet and found a boating clip to amuse you. I don’t normally laugh at folk falling and stuff like that ‘cause it’s not nice, but it is funny and I don’t think any animals or humans were seriously injured in the making of it. You've probably seen it before but if you've got time on your hands - have a peek.

* for those who may be new to this blog – mum got a breadmaking machine for Christmas.


Braja said...

Poor you, having your sleep interrupted like that...I hope you've recovered. I think one of those cows might not fit in the kitchen, but they might like to stay outside and chew the grass!! I am just leaving now to go to the cowshed and take some treats to the little guy....Sunday is cow-baby naming day on the blog, so get your thinking cap on Henry!! Big kiss!

Laura Jayne said...

Bread making machines are noisy. And delayed starts are all well and good until you realize you didn't have quite enough flour and your dough is just a gooey mess.

LadyFi said...

I remember my sis having the same problem with her machine... they are NOISY!!

I love bread - can't you get your mum to send me a few loaves in the post? What's that? They won't fit into the envelope? Oh dear!

I did laugh at some of those boat clips ... I imagine there were quite a few grumpy old men and women after those incidents.

And thanks for your good wishes. Oscar is now feeling much better after his bout of poo soup. He's now eating a foul-smelling fish with his rice and has just had a quarter ration of his normal dry food.

You can tell your mum I don't like boat trips either. Travelled to both Argentina and the Philipinnes by boat - took about 6 weeks - as a kid. Puked most of the way there too!

Stinking Billy said...

Henry, thanks for calling by. I like your blog and the You Tube thingy was just hilarious. Erm, welcome aboard!

Henry the Dog said...

Braja - it's such a hard life sometimes - being a dog. We have to endure so much hardship;) I'll have a think about any suitable cow names, but originality isn't my strong point, so I might end up with something like Daisy xxx

Laura Jayne - tell me about it! I couldn't believe the racket. All the other times she's used it I've been in another room but I was a 'captive audience' last night 'cause I sleep in the kitchen.

Lady Fi - so pleased that your boy is feeling much better. That tummy bug is a bummer. I don't think mum can even contemplate what it must have been like to travel THAT long on a boat on the sea. I think it would make her head hurt!

Stinking Billy - mum & me found you through Red, White & Bleu. You make my mum smile. We'll definitely be back. Best wishes for 2009:)

French Fancy said...

Oh Henry, that clip confirmed my worst fears - Mr FF is always on at me to go sailing with him (he's got a catamaran) but I'm always convinced that I'll fall off (and I can't swim). He says it is safe and bought a spare life jacket for me but it's still in its wrapper.

Shame about the bread machine waking you up - did you get any morsels of the bread or would it upset your tum? The bichons have never had bread - Pop could handle it but Misty has quite a delicate digestion.

How long before mum goes away?

Henry the Dog said...

French Fancy - my God Rex DON'T go on it if you can't swim. My mum reckons that nothing can beat good old 'terra firma'. Mum's the same with Uncle Hugh's flying car - she only goes in it if she really must, and to humour him from time to time. Let Mr FF keep his hobbies to himself;) As for the bread - every morning me & Uncle Hugh used to go to the bread shop and when we got back I'd get a little treat. Now we have this breadmaking thing I thought I'd lose my treat but mum & Uncle Hugh still give me a little morsel. So that's nice. I have a sensitive tum too, when I was a pup I had terrible colitis and was ill for months. Now mum has to be very careful what I eat - which is why she goes mad when Uncle Hugh gives me his Haribo Jellies, but bread doesn't seem to bother me. I'm ok with white meats too and a tiny bit of cheese from time to time. I'm rabbiting on aren't I? xx

Irish Gumbo said...

We found out the hard way those bread machines can be TERRIBLY noisy. Actually, the first time it went off in the morning I thought someone was trying to break into the house! Live and learn...

*snort* That video was quite funny, in a Schadenfreude sort of way. I did try not to laugh, karma being waht ot is, you know.

~vagabond~ said...

Henry, arent you the cutest thing ever?
I wish my dog could write too. :P

Henry the Dog said...

Irish - I'm hoping she doesn't do many more on that bloody 'Delay Start' programme. The other times I've been in the lounge. I know it's not nice laughing at folk falling down and stuff, but it IS funny and they don't know we're laughing do they? So does that count?

Vagabond - thanks for dropping by. By the way, you'd be AMAZED what your dog can do. We tend to keep our skills to ourselves you know. At least, the intelligent ones do;)

Henry the Dog said...

French Fancy - I was so busy rabbitting on that I forgot to tell you, mum's going away in February for a LONG time. I'll be with Jane & James for about 18 days. But she's also going this Sunday to the UK for 2 days with Uncle Hugh. More about that later, when I have a spare minute. Honestly, I'm rushed off my feet today;)

Temple said...

Bread makers can be very a dead-body-rolling-down-the-stairs kind of would have totally freaked me out in the middle of the night.

Glad you all had a happy New Year!!!

French Fancy said...

18 days - how lovely for her and lots of lovely blog stories for us lot when she gets back. I hope she'll take a notebook with her to jot down some things to tell you about.

I'm off to the UK for a week on the 14th - I have an AGM to put in an appearance at - if I can still get into any business-like clothes, that is.I'm not looking forward to that but it will be nice to see certain friends and try and get to the theatre (the thing I miss most living out here)

Diane said...

Poor you! Hope you at least got a nap later.

I know how your mum feels about toilets (I have issues, too), and though I still love the sea and boats, I also understand the whole Jaws thing. When I'm in the sea, it never fails that I hear the Jaws music in my head and I have to make the mad splash for land. It's very frustrating and has ruined a number of nice swims!

Sleep well tonight, sweet Henry :).

HA! Funny thing... tell your mum my word verification for this comment is "aquanut"! ;)

French Fancy said...

yes - I'm still hanging about. I noticed somewhere on here you wondered about doing accents on the keyboard.

I think you'll find if you press the key Alt Gr together with the 'e' letter - you should get an é.

Also if you google Avi Soft and look at the fifth hit on the list that is produced, there is quite a useful download of all accented letters

Csquaredplus3 said...

I remember my bread machine being quite noisy too. I sympathize with you Henry.

I sympathize with your mum's boat issues too. I turn green on boats and it makes no sense to me that something so large - floats. (shaking head)

I've seen the boat bloopers, and I'm embarrassed to admit I watched the clip in it's entirety again for a shameless giggle.

Blu said...

Hey Henry I am trying to read Three Men in a Boat in French....haa.yes I know that is funny, because my French is mauvais. With any luck the breadmaker will go out of order soon and you can get some sleep. Take care and try an afternoon kip xx

Frankie Furter said...

Hello Henry, You seem to have as much trouble with your mum as I do with my mom. They are odd sorts.

I love my boat and so do mom and dad. I suppose a lake is different from the ocean though. I have nerver been to the ocean. Mom says it is very much bad to drink. I love to take a nap on the Lady L. That is my boat's name. I insist on being called Cap'n Frankie when we are aboard. I hope you and your friends will visit my blog some time.

meryl's musings said...

Thanks Henry for giving my landlord new ideas. Now she's telling me that she and I are going to have mini-rows when I come back from my adventures off the leash. I thought she meant mini-rolls and I started salivating and all until I realized all she was going to offer up was a good talking to. :) KC

SSP said...

sorry to hear about your disturbed sleep...I know how early morning noise can set you off on the wrong for the whole day. Hopefully, mum slipped a little espresso in your puppy chow to help you through. I am not generally a huge fan of leaving terra firma in a floating wood bowl, but have done so on occasion....and I loved the video clip...these type of falls are the things that haunt my dreams! I love your blog!!

Charmaine said...

I've got the solution. The next time Mumm makes bread tell her to put the machine in the garage or in the bathroom way way at the end of the hall and close the door.

Until she get's the hint, um, try having a little "accident" in the house every night she makes bread. THAT will get her attention although it may offend your well bred sensabilities.

lady jicky said...

Morning boyfriend. Why can't that Mother of yours go to the boulangerie! Mum says , French bread shops are divine - so many types of bread and cakes! You could use that breadmaker for an anchor on Uncle Hugh's boat!
Do you have a lemon tree? Men should pee under them for its good for the crop! Next time you go out - make sure Uncle H pee's on one and lets you inside too!
We loved the video , I think the music to the "loveboat" makes it even funnier! Mum loves to sail but she would not stay in that boat with the thin walls . We gals like to be private when we go to the toilet.
Kisses you old Seadog you!
Rosie - your little seashanty.

Lee said...

Perhaps the promise of a hot turkey sandwich would help you learn to love the bread maker...?

Nah, it was a long shot.

Far Side of Fifty said...

Do you suppose some cotton in your ears may help Henry? Those boat clips were seriously funny! :)

Henry the Dog said...

Temple - you're scaring me. How do you know what a dead body rolling down the stairs sounds like? Ok, only kidding - you are spot on;)

Diane - mum's the same with the sea. She never swims in it (so she'll never be an 'aquanut'). I think that film must have had the same effect on folk who have lots of imagination and not much logic;)

French Fancy - é MY GOD REX IT WORKS:):):)

CSquared - mum's a bit the same way about flying too - she can't get her dizzy head around the fact that those huge things stay up in the sky - even though she knows that science is behind it:)

Frankie - it's nice to know that I'm not the only blogging dog around here;) Yes, humans are a very strange species. I love to study them. Intriguing they are. You're right - in mum's view a lake isn't scary. Same as a river. Mum can do rivers and lakes - but she'd rather not. Terra firma is what suits her best.

KC - my home is full of 'mini rows'. It's mum & Uncle Hugh's way of letting off steam - then they're friends immediately after and normally kiss & make up. No sulking is allowed in this house.

SSP - I'm not a 'morning dog' at the best of times. I need my kip. 'Floating wood bowl' - (Henry laughs out loud) yeah, I like that one and mum would too. Thanks for the compliment (Henry blushes).

Charmaine - you are just WICKED. What a wonderful idea - about the accident I mean. She'd know it was something I was seriously unhappy about 'cause I didn't even do that when I was a very little pup. Actually you are the only person to think logically about this - OF COURSE! She doesn't NEED to have the bloody thing in the kitchen does she? You clever girl you. I'll find a way of getting mum to change the location - ten out of ten Charmaine;)

Rosie - what is it with you women and toilets? Honestly. You're too precious about your bodily functions. As for the boulangerie, well mum would agree with you but since Uncle Hugh bought her the breadmaker I think she's felt as if she should show willing and use it. The novelty WILL wear off - I promise. Bisous xxxxxx

Lee - TURKEY? You must be kidding. I'd run a mile.......

Far Side - no, have already sorted it. Charmaine is the only one to come up with a sensible, logical solution. The damned thing doesn't have to be in the kitchen. It can make bread anywhere. I'm going to get mum to shift it pronto! Yes, the clips are funny. Cruel, but funny:)

meryl's musings said...

Hi Henry - Funny you should comment that our new little one is a cute little pup because that is exactly what everyone is calling him. His hands and feet are like a brand new puppy - a bit oversized compared to the rest of him. He needs to grow into his feet! Happy New Year! KC

Princess Tikka Masala said...

Goodly Henry! I am seeing you in the eye that is in my mind standing on the part of the boat that is being the most forwardly, wearing the hat that belongs to the admiral.

rdd said...

do you want to exchange links with my blog of funny dogs

Henry the Dog said...

KC - as my mum would say "Aahhh, bless" that is so sweet - has the little guy got a name yet?

Goodly Princess - best wishes for 2009. I think I would have looked dead good with an admiral hat, it would go well with my bushy eyebrows, beard and moustache:)

rdd - I'd better check you out first, I wouldn't want to link into something that would make mum growl:)