I don’t think you need any particular qualifications to be Prime Minister. I mean, it’s not as if Mr Brown, Mr Cameroon or that other guy have ever run their own successful business or anything. Not like Mr Sugar – that guy who says, “You’re fired!” on TV’s The Apprentice. I like Mr Sugar. He’s all wrinkly. He looks like a bulldog. I love it when he says “You’re fired!” and he points his finger at the same time. I used to spend ages practising it in front of the mirror “You’re fired! You’re fired!” and trying to jab my paw simultaneously. It used to give me a feeling of power. Actually, just thinking about that - if the other guys have never run a successful business how come they think they can run the UK? Isn’t a country a bit like a business? Perhaps Mr Sugar would do it if someone asked him nicely? Or that other one who’s on TV a lot – Mr Cowell? Or that morose looking one on Dragon’s Den, the one who always looks angry, never invests and always says everything is a load of rubbish – is that Mr Ballettime?
Anyway, I’m digressing. So, as you don’t need any qualifications or anything I don’t see why I couldn’t do it. After all, I’ve proved I can run my own Blog. My manifesto would be this:
- I’d immediately abolish what my mum calls ‘fooking taxes’ and ‘bloody mortgages’ because they upset her and I don’t like mum being upset.
- I’d print more money and create more plastic and make sure that everyone had enough – that’d immediately stop all this credit munch nonsense and all the hysteria that surrounds it. Goodness! This is SO easy.
- I’d ensure that every old person living on their own had a dog as a companion so that they wouldn’t ever be lonely again.
- I’d make it law that people should be nice to each other and not say nasty things or do nasty things to each other.
- I’d stop newspapers from printing sad stories because it upsets my mum. I’d make it compulsory to print only nice news and if there weren’t any nice news, they’d have to lie.
- I’d stop people from making sad movies and writing sad books because they make mum cry. Then again, most things make mum cry these days. I think it’s her age.
- I’d make it compulsory for English to be taught in all schools in the UK, and then the young folk would be able to spell and talk properly.
- I’d give everyone a job. I know that would upset some folk, but they’d thank me in the end when they realise that doing something useful is better than daytime TV.
Gosh! How easy is that? Implement that lot and you’d have youtopia (whatever that is!).