Thursday, November 20, 2008

I could be the next Prime Minister

I think that I could be the next Prime Minister of the UK. Mum says that there’s not much to choose from at the moment. There’s that Mr Brown guy, who’s the current one but I don’t think anybody really knows how he got there, then there’s that Mr Cameroon, then there’s that other guy whose name I can never remember – it’ll come to me.

I don’t think you need any particular qualifications to be Prime Minister. I mean, it’s not as if Mr Brown, Mr Cameroon or that other guy have ever run their own successful business or anything. Not like Mr Sugar – that guy who says, “You’re fired!” on TV’s The Apprentice. I like Mr Sugar. He’s all wrinkly. He looks like a bulldog. I love it when he says “You’re fired!” and he points his finger at the same time. I used to spend ages practising it in front of the mirror “You’re fired! You’re fired!” and trying to jab my paw simultaneously. It used to give me a feeling of power. Actually, just thinking about that - if the other guys have never run a successful business how come they think they can run the UK? Isn’t a country a bit like a business? Perhaps Mr Sugar would do it if someone asked him nicely? Or that other one who’s on TV a lot – Mr Cowell? Or that morose looking one on Dragon’s Den, the one who always looks angry, never invests and always says everything is a load of rubbish – is that Mr Ballettime?

Anyway, I’m digressing. So, as you don’t need any qualifications or anything I don’t see why I couldn’t do it. After all, I’ve proved I can run my own Blog. My manifesto would be this:

  1. I’d immediately abolish what my mum calls ‘fooking taxes’ and ‘bloody mortgages’ because they upset her and I don’t like mum being upset.
  2. I’d print more money and create more plastic and make sure that everyone had enough – that’d immediately stop all this credit munch nonsense and all the hysteria that surrounds it. Goodness! This is SO easy.
  3. I’d ensure that every old person living on their own had a dog as a companion so that they wouldn’t ever be lonely again.
  4. I’d make it law that people should be nice to each other and not say nasty things or do nasty things to each other.
  5. I’d stop newspapers from printing sad stories because it upsets my mum. I’d make it compulsory to print only nice news and if there weren’t any nice news, they’d have to lie.
  6. I’d stop people from making sad movies and writing sad books because they make mum cry. Then again, most things make mum cry these days. I think it’s her age.
  7. I’d make it compulsory for English to be taught in all schools in the UK, and then the young folk would be able to spell and talk properly.
  8. I’d give everyone a job. I know that would upset some folk, but they’d thank me in the end when they realise that doing something useful is better than daytime TV.

Gosh! How easy is that? Implement that lot and you’d have youtopia (whatever that is!).

20 comments:

Lee said...

What? No free bones?

Henry the Dog said...

Shucks! Forgot about that one:)

Dumdad said...

You've got my vote!

French Fancy said...

Indeed, Henry, that's a great manifesto. I think the bichons would like you to also make visits to dog groomers a crime against humanity.

I seem to recall some prison somewhere that got pets in for quite violent offenders to look after (whoosh - that was the sound of my grip on English grammar falling again) - and it made them behave themselves (have I really remembered that correctly or was it a dream I had?)

French Fancy said...

I feel quite ashamed at how badly I phrased that last comment, but not that ashamed that I'm going to hit the dustbin deletion button :)

Henry the Dog said...

Dumdad - well that's one for starters:) How many do I need to win?

French Fancy - I thought it woz funny. Seriously though, I think you're right - I'm sure it was some serious young offenders and their mood and attitude improved enormously & they grew very attached to their 'charges'.

Henry the Dog said...

French Fancy - PS: Forgot to mention - you are so right about the dog groomers. Talk about 'love the sinner, hate the sin'. I really like Claire who does my hair but I don't like what she does to me. I sulk for ages after.

French Fancy said...

Henry - each time I pop in here I spy more followers. I never 'follow' bloggers per se (empty per se at the moment) but I constantly go to see the ones on my sidebar and those that leave comments.

You have done well for a dog with a blog. On my bichon usenet group there is a Mexican bichon that speaks with an accent, but he's too hard to understand. You're much better.

Mickle in NZ said...

Henry,

just when you think you're winning.... you know I share my home with Zebby-cat - Dumdad shares his home with (well, wonder french wife and 2 sproglets) and Scabby the cat.

Zeb might be a wuss of a puss to you, Scabby is a "be afraid of" fierce cat darling. ... oops, you're a dog.

Henry the Dog said...

Mickle - I guess I don't stand a chance:)

French Fancy - I'm embarrassed to admit that only a short while ago I didn't even know how to find other blogsites of interest. I think I started looking through blogs of note, left a comment on one and that was it! I think I found yours through dumdad's blog.

detroit dog said...

Dogs make the best negotiators! Henry would do well in International Diplomacy. I would put up a lawn sign advocating for him!

Quasar would like to add that a bed in most every room of the house would be a wonderful law.And squeaky toys are a must. Plus mid-day treats, and Dads must tuck-in everyone at bedtime. (Is that too much to ask for?)

French Fancy: Quasar came to us through one of those prison programs! It does make the inmates behave. Though I must say we have some reservations about the types Quasar would allow into the house. :-/

Henry the Dog said...

Thanks Detroit dog - so that's another vote for me. Two in total, great stuff. I can only count to ten anyway. I'm sure I could add Quasar's suggestions to my manifesto:)

French Fancy said...

Oh Henry, you're lovely but you have a short memory. I saw your entry on Blogs of Note, left you a message and you replied to me. I found you before Dumdad did.

(anxious to establish 'rights' over the first-sighting of Henry)...:)

French Fancy said...

(wave to Detroit Dog) all these doggy people - and the odd cat, I guess (very odd)


runs away before Scabby and Zebby get upset

Henry the Dog said...

French Fancy - gosh I'm embarrassed, and there's me worrying about mum's memory these days when mine is even worse:)

parisgirl said...

Henry, if you are currently in France perhaps you could prepare for your future premiership by taking over the French Socialist Party. I don't believe it would take much of a coup though you might have to call yourself Henri. It might be a little bitchy but I'm sure you can deal with that.
"Votez Henri" !

SSQuo said...

Here boy! Come on over Henry,

You see, if you havent mastered the art already, in order to get a perfect 'You're fired' you need to have the rounded lip pose, you know like you are showing people your teeth without expanding your lips horizontally. If you need help, Im around to demonstrate!

PS: I love your dedication to mum's well-being. Its so heartening and selfless, why aren't there more like you?? tsk tsk

Monkeybean said...

I think that you have a great shot Henry! Go get 'em! I also posted the answer to your question on my blog. I hope you are having a great day!
Amber~

tam said...

My good friend Henry-you must run! Long live PM Henry!
LoL!
~Tam :D

Henry the Dog said...

Parisgirl - I don't mind Henri, it has a certain ring to it - mum loves your blog by the way.

SSQuo - thanks for the tips, will try them:) And why aren't there more like me? I ask myself the same question every day.

Monkeybean - another yes vote then? I'll pop over to your blog to read your answers.

Thanks Tam ANOTHER yes vote. I think I stand a chance here.