Sunday, November 30, 2008

Mum's making me wear a 'baby-gro'

….yes she is and I am hugely embarrassed. As you know, I got clipped when I was away. Well, Claire gave me the same clip as she gives me in the summer (i.e. SERIOUSLY short) because mum thought it would be ok. Our house is snug and when we go out for a walk I can run around and keep warm because mum always takes me where I can go ‘off lead’. The trouble is, on Friday the under-floor heating in the kitchen stopped working.

When things stop working in France it is a BIG thing for mum. In France, things tend to stop working either for good or for a VERY long time. Mum’s experience with French tradesmen is this i) find one who wants to actually do some work (will take at least three weeks), ii) persuade said tradesman to come to house to look at problem (usually takes at least six telephone calls), iii) French tradesman cancels first three appointments, iv) when said tradesman finally turns up he is late, v) French tradesman huffs and puffs, looks very serious and says it is a very difficult job, vi) French tradesman can’t fit job in for another six weeks, vii) when French tradesman finally does the job it takes all of two minutes and as she hands over €1000 mum realises that she’s been seriously fleeced and for a fleeting second wishes that she still lived in the UK where she would never have allowed any tradesmen to fleece her but in the UK she didn’t have what she calls “…the language barrier…”. The trouble is, mum is crap at DIY and Uncle Hugh is even worse. Mum can change a light bulb; Uncle Hugh can if he’s supervised.

Anyway, I’m digressing. So, the under-floor heating conks out and in this part of France, we are experiencing a seriously cold snap. And I mean seriously cold. Uncle Hugh had told mum his car had registered minus 10 on Thursday morning and Friday wasn’t much warmer. Yesterday morning as mum and Uncle Hugh were having breakfast mum looked at me and said, as if she were REALLY surprised, “…Oh my God, he’s shivering...” I’m thinking ‘...yes I fooking am, it’s bloody freezing.You two are rugged up to the eyeballs and I’ve only got two millimeters of fur between the freezing air and my skin, why are you so surprised?” But obviously I couldn’t say that so she kept saying, “Oh my God, he’s shivering. It’s all my fault. I shouldn’t have told her to clip him so close. Oh, I’m so STUPID. What can I do?” I’m thinking “...you can feed me some of that croissant and butter that you’re eating, that’d put some fuel in my belly…” but no, I got my usual meagre portion of Royal Canin – I put weight on last Summer and for some reason mum still thinks I need to watch what I eat. Does she not realise that one needs to increase one’s calorie intake in the winter months? In the Arctic, the scientists there have to eat 9000 calories a day just to maintain their weight. I’m digressing again.

Well, to cut a very long story short we went shopping (I’ll not bother telling you about going to see Uncle Hugh’s new flying bus and mum’s hair setting on fire when a burning ember from the open fire at the Aeroclub flew out and landed on her head). Mum and Uncle Hugh took me with them in the car because they thought it might be a bit cold for me if they left me in the house. When we got back home, she presented me with what she called a ‘baby-gro’. “Sorry Henry,” she said, “...it was all I could find at short notice, the pet place didn’t have anything your size...” and she proceeded to dress me in this PINK monstrosity complete with butterfly and teddy-bear motifs on the front of it and she had the cheek to say “That’s better. Isn’t it lovely? Doesn’t he look cute? I wish I had a camera.”

I WISH I HAD A CAMERA? SHE MUST BE KIDDING! I am SERIOUSLY embarrassed and am praying to God Rex that this cold snap goes very quickly. Why couldn’t she have got me something ‘designer’? Something chic? Something cool? I found these on the internet Dog Designer Gear – you must check it out – they’re even being modelled by a Schnauzer like me.

But no – I have to wear a ‘baby-gro’. Will I ever live this down?

18 comments:

French Fancy said...

Oh Henry, (or should I say Henrietta - ouch, that was very mean) - a pink, PINK baby-gro???? That is just wrong - but isn't it better to be wrong and warm than cold and stylish?

Shame about the problem with the heating though and I know, totally. what you say about the French artisan is spot on. It's all a bit of a struggle and when I need to sort out a house problem my heart sinks just a little bit. You have to wait so long for a good man to be free, sometimes 5/6 months.

Anyway, I hope you get some decent clothes soon, although with the heating back will you want to wear clothes. If you do - this is a fantastic site

http://www.petlondon.net/shop/acatalog/Sub_TShirts.html

(message from Poppy - hey, H - I'd fancy you even if you were wearing pink)

(message from Misty - I'm a few months younger than Pop and mum says I'm a natural beauty - love me, Henry, love me)

Lee said...

Panache Henry, panache! You're in France, carry it off with style!

Henry the Dog said...

FF - mum says there weren't any blue ones but I don't believe her. As for the heating, I think mum might decide to leave it as it is because the heating is working everywhere else and mum says that it might save money not having it in the kitchen. Thanks mum, that's where I sleep! Will go and check that site out now. Poppy & Misty, you've no idea how big my head is getting with all these bitches swooning over me:)

Lee - I agree, BUT - you try wearing a pink baby gro with panache!!!! Methinks not. Not even in France. I am SOOO not into all that adult baby stuff;)

Henry the Dog said...

FF - just been onto that website and that's more like it - I'm quite keen on the 'Rambo' one. That's more my image.

French Fancy said...

Henry - it's a good site although with my current economy drive I'm not going to buy from there. I almost ordered two dog beds last week but when I found out the postage was going to be €45 I changed my mind.

(I'm trying to get M&P off our bed - I know I know. I want them to have a good bed of their own but the ones I like and the ones Mr FF approves of are two different things - I hate this economy drive lark)

Blu said...

Henry sounds like you need something to wear during this cold spell. But pink is well errm...you know what I mean. Blu's big woofer just wears more mud in the winter, and wouldnt allow anyone near her with a pair of scissors! Anyway she wriggles far too much.

Laura Jayne said...

I think you should get two croissants with butter for every day you have to wear pink.

lady jicky said...

Everytime I get Oscar my other dog (pugx maltese) groomed we get a cold snap . Poor Henry - kiddies clothing. Still, better than nothing I guess. Rosie our rescue pug will just NOT wear jumpers and cute stuff that pug people always inflict on them . Rolls around until its off . Oscar has been in jumpers etc since a pup so he finds them OK but not our Rose.
"Go the Rambo jumper if you have to wear one boyfriend"
Kisses , Rosie

herhimnbryn said...

Pink! She found you pink attire?
Look, I'm shedding hair like it's going out of fashion here. Should I send some over? Maybe some crafty human could knit you a proper coat with it?

Henry the Dog said...

Laura Jayne - I agree, you should petition my mum - I had to wear it again last night:(

Lady Jicky - Rose sounds rather feisty. I like feisty. I have a pug friend, he's called Attila and lives in the restaurant of our local village. He's got attitude too:) Rosie - I agree, I think the 'Rambo' one would be very 'me'.

herhimnbryn - I've heard of folk using dog hair to use for jumpers and stuff. Trouble is, mum wouldn't know what to do with a pair of knitting needles. She's not very practical like that.

Kathryn said...

I'm so sorry, Henry that you're stuck wearing a pink baby gro. The next time I brush my akita Tenshi out, I'll save his fur, process it and knit you a sweater. At least it'll be white, black and grey. Okay, I don't knit. Maybe I'll have to tell Tenshi to get a job so he can send you a more manly colored sweater.

Cheers!

French Fancy said...

still in the pink, eh Henry? It's got much
colder here today.

Henry the Dog said...

Kathryn - you can knit? How useful. I'm kind of white black and grey (well mostly grey) as it is so that'd be cool:)

FF - I am, but only in the evening. I would have posted something new today but mum's been hogging the computer looking at the M&S site - tsk tsk tsk.... You're started something now:(

Daisy said...

OMG!!! I actually snorted with delight when I saw your picture and immediately recognised you as my very favourite type of creature, a miniature schnauzer! So lovely to see your little nose and very distinguished black and grey hair just like my dog Otto used to have. It looks like you have kept your soft puppy fur too. I'm not even joking when I say right off that I'm interested in a puppy if you ever have children!!

squirrelmama said...

Henry, this sounds positively humiliating. Do you think this is some sort of campaign of vengeance against you? Dogs have such a profound sense of shame....I hope your canine pals are at least giving you some kind of moral support on this. I know the French are supposed to be on the cutting edge of fashion but this is downright ridiculous!

meryl's musings said...

Henry, I agree with Laura Jayne -- if those are real French croissants (not like what we get here in the US), use those soulful eyes to get three. It sounds totally worth the calories. Might add that extra layer of fat around your belly. Very sexy.

Stay warm, Henry -- KC

PS I'll talk to my landlord about inventing something really neat for keeping warm. Thanks for reading about predictions.

lady jicky said...

There you go boyfriend . Do you have Attila's number by the way ?

Henry the Dog said...

Daisy, thanks for popping over, my mum and me love your blog and I've added it to my blog list - hope you don't mind. I doubt if I'll ever have pups, my mum is very possessive:( But hey, who knows. My fur's still soft 'cause mum has me clipped instead of stripped. Much cuter I reckon;)

Squirrelmania - terrible isn't it? I'm still wearing it. Only in the evening, but this morning there was no frost so...fingers crossed! As for my other canine pals - you must be joking they have NO IDEA I'm having to wear a baby gro so ssshhhh.....

Meryl - yes, if your landlord can think of something better than a baby gro but not as expensive as dog designer gear pop back over..

Lady Jicky (Rosie) - he only speaks French, I don't think he'd understand you