Wednesday, November 19, 2008

What's wrong with Kangaroo Balls?

Warning: if you're a veggie this may cause offence - you have been warned!

Mum and Uncle Hugh have started watching this thing on UK TV called “I’m a Celebrity get me out of here”. Mum calls it ‘chewing gum for the brain’. I call it mindless garbage and I’m really surprised that she watches it. I think she could spend her time better by reading and trying to understand her latest New Scientist magazine or by watching something informative on Discovery Channel. For all you non-UK people the gist of the programme is this:

  1. Take 10 ‘celebrities’ – one of which must be a nonentity with pneumatic breasts, orange skin and either married to or engaged to a footballer who plays for England (i.e. a WAG), one of which must be a really old ‘star’ from the US and one of which must be from a defunct ‘boy’ band, the rest will be a mixture of UK z-list 'celebrities' whose careers are failing miserably and who will literally do anything to resurrect it. For a further insight into what constitues a 'celebrity' in the UK read this: How to become a Celebrity in the UK.
  2. Dump them all together in the middle of a rainforest in Australia for three weeks.
  3. Get the sadistic public to vote for which of the ‘celebrities’ they would like to see humiliated each day by having to do truly awful things - usually involving insects or other crawling creatures.
  4. After a few days of humiliation, the sadistic public starts to vote for their favourite ‘celebrity’ and the one with the fewest votes each day gets booted out. After which, depending how long they’ve managed to stay in, they may end up with their own perfume, fitness DVD and bestselling autobiography.

It explains it all here if you haven’t got anything better to do: I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here!

On Monday night, two celebrities were voted by the public to do a task that involved eating various things. I thought these tasks were supposed to be revolting, but no! They were given delicacies such as crocodile eyeballs, grass-hoppers (I ate loads of those in Switzerland), chicken feet and kangaroo balls. I’m thinking ‘YUMMY! DELICIOUS! Whereas the ‘celebrities’ were really unhappy about having to eat them and were making lots of fuss and gagging noises. Mum couldn’t even watch, Uncle Hugh was moaning “YUK, how gross…” and I’m thinking - what is the difference between a kangaroo ball and a snail or, say, a whelk? Is not a prawn merely an insect of the sea? And what’s wrong with a chicken’s foot – is it much different from a frog’s leg? (I know for definite they eat chicken’s feet in china) And all you folks who’ve dared to eat an oyster - surely you cannot think that it is any less gross than a crocodile eyeball? Have you seen an oyster? My goodness they’re ugly

My mum devours oysters, prawns, whelks, snails and frogs’ legs without a whimper. I know she also eats tripe over here in France so why should she get squeamish about Kangaroo balls? I don't get it. You humans are definitely a big puzzle.

Actually, she's not eating anything at the moment, she's sucking soup through a straw because of her poorly lip and saying "..if I don't lose any weight after all this I'll slash my wrists.." In fact, she'd probably kill for a kangaroo ball at the moment:)

16 comments:

meili_lo said...

hi henry...when u click ur name on my I AM GRATEFUL BECAUSE blog, it will go directly to your site... this means if you're tagged by someone, you need to pass it on to your other blogger friends.

u need to create a new post and follow the instructions i gave u in my blog. hmmm... maybe u can ask help from ur mum or ur uncle? =D

Taz said...

Human's are a peculiar breed indeed. Allegedly one of the 'celebrities' worried that eating the kangeroo ball might make her pregnant. I ask you! Does swallowing grape pips make a tree grow in your stomach? Are there dogs in a dog biscuit?
Grr!
By the way, I love your blog - quite the best literary work ever produced by a Mini Schnauzer! Also, is your hair naturally like that or do you get it styled? Mine's stuck in somewhat of a cocker-spaniel type of rut right now...

Henry the Dog said...

Taz - you are so right. I guess the 'celebrity' in question is lacking in grey matter - don't you think? Poor girl. My hair is cut from time to time when mum remembers - because it doesn't fall out - it just grows and grows. In the summer I have it REALLY short, and in the winter normally a bit longer. I'm having it cut this weekend when I go on holiday for a few days.

Henry the Dog said...

Meili-lo - I understand now what this tagging is. The trouble is, I don't feel comfortable doing it. Would you mind awfully if I pass? It's the way I've been brought up. My mum refuses to pass on emails and stuff and I feel as if it wouldn't be fair to impose on other bloggers by passing stuff on either. I think perhaps I will edit my profile to make it clear that I don't want to be 'tagged'. Sorry. I hope I haven't offended you.

French Fancy said...

'I don't have the 'I'm a what, celebrity you say?'love really. I watched a bit of a series once - the one with Janet Street Porter bossing everyone around and that was enough for me. However, I freely admit to BB love and watch more than I should. I know it's garbage; i love it for the psychological insight it give into the human condition - and lots of other clever phrases like that. At least that's what I say in my defence, Henry.

Henry the Dog said...

Yeah - mum uses lots of excuses too for watching stuff like that. You humans eh!

Dumdad said...

How come you can get this TV show over here? I can't. But I did read a bit about it and I loved Martina Navratilova's comment.

Some of the male contestants were discussing their penises, as one does, when one of them confessed to naming his "Alfie", to which Martina Navratilova replied: "I hear the only reason men name their penises is so that they don't have a total stranger making all the decisions for them."

Game, set and match to Martina!

Henry the Dog said...

dumdad - mum has this satellite thing - I don't think she should have it, but at least she pays for it! Let's not tell anyone:)Anyway, that's true about Martina. Mum HOWLED at that. Should go down in history.

Cindi said...

Henry - I hope you dont mind a new follower...

Henry the Dog said...

Hi Cindi, I love people following my blog, I just hope it entertains you from time to time. You live in a beautiful place by the way - what a stunning view. It's cold here too at the moment, but it can get really hot in the summer, but not as hot as where you are I'm sure. I get my hair cut REALLY short in the summer because I'm not keen on hot (I almost said I'm not a hot dog but stopped myself just in time....would have been much too corny)

Monkeybean said...

Thanks for the Comment! I enjoyed reading your post today as well. And I love the Kangaroo Ball comment lol! Have a great day and watch for more posts! I am planning to post a Thanksgiving Day menu for Pets!
Amber ~

THE SANDY DOG BAKERY said...

enjoyed your blog and glad I have found it! Henry is adorable!!!

Lee said...

I wondered why we were up to our fetlocks in gelded kangaroos lately.

Henry the Dog said...

Monkeybean - I'll look forward to that, perhaps I can persuade mum to do it for me.

The Sandy Dog Bakery - your dogs are cute too.

Lee - LOL

meryl's musings said...

Henry, you are hilarious. My landlord just read this to me and I'm wondering the same thing -- even if it smells bad, it's got to be worth trying. I know have had moments of dietary indiscretions!

Henry the Dog said...

Glad you enjoyed it, I loved your landlord's little clip about the turkey prep on her website - I really did laugh out loud at that one.