Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Dear Santa Paws

Dear Santa Paws

This year, please DON’T leave me one of those awful organic fake bones like the one you left last year. They’re not real and they’re not fun. I pretended to eat it, so as not to upset you, but if you really want to know I sneaked it under the sideboard in the lounge and it’s still there (don’t tell mum).

I want a REAL bone. A real one, Santa. I’ve never had a real one. I know that mum’s old dog, Sam, had a bad experience with a real bone that ended up costing mum A LOT of money and ended up with her threatening to kill Uncle Hugh (‘cause he gave it to him), but that was a cooked bone. Uncooked ones are ok.

So, please can I have an uncooked bone for Christmas? But not one from a cow. That would upset Braja.

Also, please can I have a squeaky toy? PLEASE? I know mum HATES squeaky toys, they get on her nerves and her face ends up looking all hot and sweaty when I play with squeaky toys (hence they are now banned) but I promise only to play with it when she’s not around. Uncle Hugh’s kind of ambivalent about them.

Also, if it’s possible can I have a new harness? Or one of those butch collars like what the Rotti dog wears down the road - the type with the big studs in. Except my mum prefers me to wear a harness because I sometimes pull when I'm excited and she worries that I'll hurt my neck in a collar. I like bad smells ‘cause I’m a dog, but honestly my current harness stinks. I knew mum should have got a leather one instead of a canvas one. Mum keeps saying that she’s going to soak it in bleach, but she keeps forgetting and it now smells so bad that when we go for walks all I can smell is that stinking harness. Mum says the same thing EVERY DAY – “Pooh! Henry, it’s about time I washed this isn’t it?” It smells because mum's a cruel sadist and takes me out when it’s raining. It gets wet through and then she doesn’t ever dry it out properly, so it starts growing mould, then it starts to smell and keeps smelling. I don’t mind smelling doggy but I don’t want to smell like rotting dog. Claude the yellow Lab is starting to mock me. I’ll end up with issues.

Finally, please can you stop this thing called the Pound from falling and make this Euro thing all weak and feeble again? I’ve no idea what all that is about (I’m simply repeating what I’ve heard) but am hoping that you do. It’s mum’s latest stressy thing since the Credit Munch started. If you do that then mum will be happy, well happier anyway.

Oh, and another thing. World Peace would be nice too.

Love From Henry the Dog.

PS: I know that everyone’s seen one of those ‘Elf’ things, and that nearly everyone on this planet has been ‘Elfed’ at some point but you won’t have seen mine Henry's been Elfed – mum did it for her friends. There was going to be three of me dancing, but it ended up with only two because she said it was taking too long to upload the third. Patience is not my mum’s middle name


No, mum hasn’t got a camera yet. Uncle Hugh took these on his ‘phone, then it took him about six hours to work out how to get them from camera to laptop. I’m still hoping he gets mum a proper camera for Christmas. These aren't good ones of me 'cause I got extremely bored waiting for him to take them. I normally look more animated, honest.


meryl's musings said...

Oh, Henry - you look great. That hat is you, all the way. Would you mind if I used your letter to Santa because I want all the same things. Love, KC

Stubby said...

Henry - the hat is too cute! I wish I could send you some bones and squeakys because I just finished shopping and have some left over. I am hoping Mom does not see your pictures because then she will get my santa hat out. Oops too late. Mom says that you are the cutest mini schnauzer that she's ever seen - you look so petite. Happy Holidays Henry!

~Marie~ said...

Henry, your letter to Santa Paws was wonderful. I hope you get everything you asked for.

Merry Christmas to you and your family!

Jane! said...

Well, shoot Henry. Uncle Hugh's WAY ahead of me. I still haven't figured out the phone to laptop business.
I probably don't need to tell you how darn cute you are!
I hope Santa finds you a real bone and a new harnass or at least some doggie deodorant. Fish flavored, maybe? That should make you a hit with the other kids in the neighborhood!

Dumdad said...

Joyeux Noël and all that. Hope you get all the pressies you desire.

LadyFi said...

You are too cute - I could eat you up, only metaphorically, of course - as I'm a vegetarian! How on earth did you manage to stay still for so long? Oscar can't manage that - all my pictures are of him in action, shaking off the water, jumping into the water, running away to the water, chewing his Kong and so on...

The pound and the kronor are dropping against the Euro - makes me wonder if we should have gone with the Euro (or Evro as the Swedes insist on calling it)!

I hope you get a nice juicy bone of some kind... or at least a crunchy ear or two...

World peace and the end to poverty would be good too.

Oh - and maybe a small box of dark chocs...

Have a great Christmas!

I'm a smitten kitten!

Blu said...

Henry..World Peace..yeah lets do it!!..Sadly the human male species like to be horrible to the other males, and then the female these days are like the males..oh my

Anyway I hope that Sanity Paws brings you all that you want xx take care xx

lady jicky said...

Morning boyfriend! Oooh you look so cute in your santa hat. I do wish I could email you a photo of Oscar by brother ,Mum's Grandson, baby Carlos and me in our santa outfits! Cute overload! He, he.
I wish you get everything on your Santapaws list boyfriend and that photo via the phone looks good to me. I do hope your Mum gets a digi camera under the tree.
As for me boyfriend, I am not a squeaky toy sort of gal. I love to eat and sleep so something gourmet under that tree for me I hope!
Big fat santa kisses,

herhimnbryn said...

G'day Henry mate!
I had tinselly stuff wrapped around me for a photo. I was not impressed!

My Mum used to feel the same about bones, but that Vetman said I could eat lamb rib or shank 'cos it's a softer bone and I wouldn't gulp down big bits that would get stuck in my stomach. So, I now get raw lamb once a week. I take it outside and roll it in the dirt and then eat it, it's grand stuff!

You look smart in your 'elf' outfit. Happy Dogmas and may Santapaws bring you what you wish for. My Mum sends your Mum happy Christmas wishes too.

Irish Gumbo said...

Henry, I showed your picture to my Wee Lass, and she just giggled and giggled and said "It's a cute Santa dog!". I think she's sweet on you! (She was also in quite the laughing fit at that panda video you posted earleir. And when she laughs, I laugh. Beautiful!)

I agree with you, a bone to chew on would be nice. I'm gnawy. Oh, and world peace, definitely that!


Jennysmith said...

wonderful piece of writing as usual H the D. Happy Christmas

(understand what tagging is now!)


Braja said...

Just as I expected: a VERY talented boy. Henry I hope you get all the presents on your Xmas list, especially your bone (and you're a sensitive lad :), because dogs love bones. Big kiss...

Mickle in NZ said...

Hi Henry. Great Hat. You'll probably need it in the cold over there. Keep your paws warm and have a great Christmas with Mum and Uncle Hugh. Hope Santa brings all you want.

(p.s. I've meanly gone away and left Zebbycat in his vet's cattery. Luckily the staff there give him heaps of hugs)

Huggles to you

Lee said...

Any shots of you are lovely, Henry.

Perhaps you will get one of those really big bones, the ones that look like a mammoth's thigh bone.

May you, your Mum & Hugh have a lovely Christmas.

Henry the Dog said...

KC - thanks. I actually felt really daft - can't you tell? But hey, it's Christmas. Ho Ho Ho xxx

Stubby - thanks pal. I am rather small. Maybe even a bit smaller than you, but I'm big inside xxx

Marie - and a happy Christmas to you too xxx

Jane - Uncle Hugh took forever trying to get his phone onto camera mode too. Can't you tell with my bored expression? Doggy deodorant? Hey that's an idea. Happy Christmas xxx

Dumdad - hope you do too. xxx

Lady Fi - if mum tells me to sit and stay I sit and stay. I do anything mum asks 'cause she's in charge and I love her. She used to growl at me when I was a pup and I was being naughty and I didn't like it when she did that. Mum's got a really scary face when she growls. You wouldn't want to see it. I prefer it when she's smiling and telling me I'm good;) I want a bone, mum would like the dark chocs xxx

Blu - I reckon if dogs ran the place it would be much happier. We just want to be liked and have fun. Oh well. Have a good one xxx

Rosie - glad you liked the hat. It was mum's idea. As you can see from my expression - I wasn't very impressed. Oh well. I like to humour her you know. Have a lovely Christmas sweetie xxx

Bryn - well I hope there's some photos of you all tinsely when I go over to your mum's blog. I'll try to find a way of dropping a hint about the lamb bone - that was interesting. Happy Christmas to you and your mum & dad:)

Irish - say 'hello' to your little pup for me. I'm normally a bit wary of little human pups 'cause they can be a bit rough with me, but I like them when they're kind. Happy Christmas to you and your brood xxx

Jennysmith - happy Christmas to you too. Mum and me like your blog. We like the way you write. It's not all 'fancy, farty and frilly' as mum would say but it's sharp and witty xxx

Mickle - it's bloody freezing over here at the mo, but lovely blue skies and sunshine. I'm sure Zebbycat will be much loved. I always have a GREAT time when I go to my kennels. Happy Christmas xxx

Lee - now that would be truly butch wouldn't it? I'd really like that. Best wishes to you and your lovely Mrs & your big pups:)

Braja - well I could have done better with my poses but it was SOOOOOO boring waiting for Uncle Hugh to get his phone onto camera mode. 'Twas like watching paint dry. Happy Christmas (though I don't suppose folk get that excited about it in India) xxxx

French Fancy said...

Henry - hurrah for Uncle Hugh's camera phone. You are gorgeous! I hope Santa Paws bring you everything you want. Must dash- got to wrap the squeaky toys for the bichons. they send you lots of doggy love.

Merry Christmas to Henry's household

Henry the Dog said...

FFancy - thanks:) (Henry blushes coyly). Lucky bichons for having squeaky stuff - love to them too xxx

Virginia S. Wood, PsyD said...

It's great to see some recent pics of you, Henry!

Io wanted a stuffed duck toy for Christmas (she is, after all, a Retriever), but we couldn't find a good one. We found an OK duck today, though, and this cool thing that's like a fluffy Kong toy. It's Christmas Eve, so I gave them to her to play with as soon as we got back from the store. Now she won't have anything to open tomorrow! Oh, well.

I wanted to have her picture taken with Santa while we were out shopping today, but we put it to too late: His last day was last Sunday. She declined to have her picture taken in a Santa hat or anything similar.Oh, well. There's always next year.

J Cosmo Newbery said...

Dear Henry, I hope your boney wishes came true. Thank you for your kind words about my poems.


Braja said...

Hello Henry...I am just about to go to bed on Xmas day and wanted to say Merry Christmas to my favorite doggie blogger :) Those pics sure are gorgeous :) Maybe you can snap one of your mummy one day while she's not looking :))

Henry the Dog said...

Virginia - it sounds as if your girl had plenty for Christmas. I'm partial to Kongs too. I don't blame her not posing with the hat. I felt like a right daft lad. Hope you had a lovely Christmas:)

J Cosmos - my wishes did come true, and more. I've written about it today. I really liked your poem. I also like the 'double act' you have with Lee from time to time:)

Braja - hope you had a lovely day. I certainly did - I've written all about it. I'm busy with mum this morning so I can't catch up with my favourite bloggers but I'm hoping to snatch some time this afternoon. xxxxxx

Braja said...

Gee I can't make out this photo, it's not clear to me at all...but of course I'll take your word for it!

Henry the Dog said...

Braja - hey it's no big deal. The house is 'split level'. The kitchen is lower than the lounge. The lounge floor is on a level with the kitchen work surfaces. I'm sat on the lounge floor here, behind me are windows looking into the kitchen. Mum & me can watch TV AND Uncle Hugh whilst he cooks (at the same time). Sounds weird but it works ok. xx

Simplicity said...

Hee Hee! Henry you are just too cute for words!!!