I've got a big crush

I have to admit, I have a crush on the lovely Braja. I know it’s stupid because she’s a lady, and even if she were a dog she’d probably be an incredibly sleek and beautiful Saluki like the one pictured here, and wouldn’t give me a second glance. (Actually, since I posted this Braja has told me that her 'inner' dog is a Mini Schnauzer - how cool is that? (Henry smiles broadly and looks rather smug))

I wonder why people have crushes? And why do they have them on folk who are impossibly out of their reach? Like really famous film stars? My mum said that when she was a young teenager she had a hopeless crush on a celebrity called John Travolta. Not only did he live in the US (so there was no chance mum would meet him as she lived in a council estate in Yorkshire) but at that time he was keen on much older ladies. Nowadays she’s not too keen, I remember her saying to Uncle Hugh “…my god he’s so not my type anymore, you couldn’t pay me enough…” I didn’t quite understand about the paying bit (paying her for what?), but it’s obvious he no longer floats her boat.

These days I reckon there aren’t that many celebrities who would float her boat. These days mum reckons that the calibre of celebs – particularly in the UK – is very low How to become a Celebrity in the UK. However, I do know she’s quite keen on that Alexandra lady who’s just won X-Factor – she has a lovely voice. But mum hasn’t got a crush on her ‘cause mum’s a lady too and I know that ladies don’t fancy ladies. Do they? I know that men can fancy men – they’re called 'gay' because they’re happy – mum has friends who’re gay. She went to their wedding. But ladies don’t fancy ladies. I don’t think they do anyway. I’m rambling aren’t I? And I’m digressing. Big failing of mine.

My mum still has folk she looks up to. I wouldn’t say she idolises them. But there are folk who she would like to emulate – like Braja the yogi. The trouble is mum can’t get up early (Braja gets up at 3am – yes! 3am), mum needs a caffeine fix, she can’t do more than four AFDs (Alcohol Free Days) a week, and even though she has now stopped eating baby cow I know for definite that she’ll be having Turkey on Christmas Day. Also, I’ve done some googling and seen all those positions folk get into when they’re doing yoga and there is NO WAY IN A MILLION YEARS that mum could strike poses like that. Mum can’t even touch her toes. Mum’s quite fit, but she is NOT supple.

Going back to celebrity folk, they have a huge responsibility don’t they? Kids and other folk look up to them, want to emulate them, literally idolise them so when they do bad things it could have a bad effect.

If I were a celebrity I would make sure that I lived a faultless life. I’d limit my Fingers of Fun* to twice a week, I’d definitely reduce my consumption of Haribo Jellies and definitely wouldn’t consume them in public – because I wouldn’t want little pups thinking it was cool to eat sugary stuff and get hyper. I’d be nice and polite at all times, I’d not ‘do drugs’ (no idea what that is but I’d not do it), I’d give lots of money to charity and I’d do lots of charitable work too.

Thinking about it - I guess I could do charitable work now because I’m not exactly rushed off my paws am I? Mum reckons I spend most of my day sleeping. But if I did charitable stuff that would mean me spending time away from home and mum, and I wouldn’t like that. I guess it’s easier said than done, isn’t it? Good intentions - I’m full of them, but I guess it’s better to be full of good intentions than bad ones.


* For those who're new to me – Fingers of Fun is when Uncle Hugh dips his fingers in wine or beer and lets me lick it off.