Sunday, December 28, 2008

Too much of a good thing.....


I never thought I would say this “I AM SICK OF BLOODY TURKEY”. I’m serious. Dead serious. Now I can understand why all those TV chefs try and give you folk ideas on how to use turkey leftovers. I used to think, “Why do they want to do anything with the leftovers other than eat them au naturel. What’s wrong with turkey - plain and simple? Lucky them.”

At this moment in time, I would give my hind leg for a turkey curry. I’ve never had a curry but I’d give it a try. I’m starting to have nightmares about turkey. Last night I dreamt I was being chased by a turkey leg with the head of Madonna – the pop star not the religious lady (if you’ve not read my post of 26th December you will find that bizarre until you do read it).

Anyway, enough of that. I still have a leg and a wing to go. It's like a torture.

I think Uncle Hugh is also sick of bread.

Mum has gone into a bread-making frenzy with her bread-making machine. Let me explain something about mum. She doesn’t cook much. Uncle Hugh does all the cooking, ‘cause he’s good at it and he loves it. Mum does the housework and other stuff. That’s the arrangement, and it works for them. Another thing about mum – she’s not really qualified to do anything. She’s not a teacher, or a nurse, or a scientist, or a solicitor or anything like that. She used to say, “I’m a nothing” of “I’m a Jack of all trades.”

Mum did lots of things with Uncle Hugh in his businesses for a long, long time and Uncle Hugh says she was his right hand man. I don’t really know what he meant by that, ‘cause mum’s a lady. Perhaps it’s something to do with him being left-handed. Oh, I don’t know. You folk have strange little phrases that don’t always make sense, like “That takes the biscuit” and “It’s all swings and roundabouts” – I was there when mum tried to explain those to her French friend Stephanie - who ended up looking very baffled.

Anyway, I’m digressing.

So when mum finds something that she can do, and particularly if that something is really easy, then she tends to do it A LOT, until she gets bored. Perhaps it gives her a sense of worth. Well, she’s really mastered this bread-making thingumajig. All she has to do is throw some breadstuff in it, add cold water, press the ‘ON’ switch and in three hours and fifteen minutes (not exactly ‘Hey Presto’ is it?) it produces a perfect loaf. We now have ten loaves and she’s scratching her head wondering what to do with it. Mum doesn’t have a freezer – other than one of those little ones over the fridge, and that’s now full.

Can I just say – I am also sick of bread. Turkey and bread. NO MORE. PLEASE! NO MORE. You really can have too much of a good thing.

21 comments:

J Cosmo Newbery said...

Sounds pretty grim, Henry!

Lee said...

Shades of the Sorcerer's Apprentice! I'm sure it is in the instruction somewhere, but if she stops putting flour and water IN, she will stop getting bread OUT.

Blu said...

Mum can make plenty of breadcrumbs so you can stuff that turkey!

Henry the Dog said...

J Cosmo - the things we have to put up with, eh?

Lee - she's like a woman possessed. It's always the same when she finds something that she can actually do. Bless her.

Blu - ha ha! I wish I could stuff the bloody turkey:)

LadyFi said...

Quick, Henry - find her ANOTHER obsession... take her out mushroom hunting. (OK - wrong season, but she won't know, right?)

Or get her to make pizza dough instead so that you can have home-made pizzas.

Or even mix up some cake dough... I think those breadthingymujiggs can make pizza and cake dough/mixture too.

I know you think we are too squeamish about sick. I'm not really. But when very tired, and without coffee, cleaning it up can be too much for a Lady Fi to handle!

The poor dog is in hospital now, so he really isn't very well, poor lamb. But he's on the mend... thank goodness! Because he is my dog's son and a very sweet boy!

Henry the Dog said...

Lady Fi - it's just a passing phase with my mum. She's always like that. It won't last. She has the attention span of the above average goldfish. As for the vomit business - I know that mum can definitely sympathise with you. The dog she had before me, Sam, was quite a sickly sort (mum now thinks he had a weak immune system)and she often woke up to a kitchen full of it (and the other apparently). Sorry to hear about the poor lad being in hospital. Now that IS serious. Hope he gets well soon. We dogs are quite good at bouncing back, normally.

Braja said...

Poor Henry...I think the turkey has stuffed you! :)) LOL!! It will be over soon, little man. Just think of it as your Christmas Sainthood Act for all your hungry little homeless co-dogs, who just aren't as lucky as you.

Dear God, I wrote that as if I was actually speaking to a dog.... :)))

Henry the Dog said...

Braja - I now know what it must be like to be a martyr;) By the way - you ARE speaking to a dog;)
PS: you were so right about the breadmaking thingy being easy to use, if mum can do it anyone could.

DCup said...

I guess I'll just hang on to this turkey sandwich then.

How about a nice beefy treat instead?

LadyFi said...

DCup - I think the nice beefy treat was Madonna's biceps! ,-)

Csquaredplus3 said...

All that lovely bread! Your mum could wrap it and deliver it to the neighbors, or the people at your groomer's or vet's place. I think it's wonderful! When she tires of that, maybe we can teach her to knit scarves...

I sympathize with her feeling like a "jack of all trades". (I went through a bread machine phase myself. I understand.)

meryl's musings said...

Yea, my landlord has been overdosing on coffee since she got this really cool mug from her daughter that knows how much she loves coffee. I heard her say she will be putting it on her blog - hope that doesn't hurt her, whatever that all means.

Diane said...

I know how you feel, Henry... except that my turkey is chocolate. I NEVER thought I'd get sick of chocolate, but I am. I actually feel quite ill from all I've consumed over the past 2 weeks. And strangely, my favorite jeans feel rather... ummm... snug. I'm sure the two situations are related. Sigh. It's back to fruit and veg next week, methinks. Hope the turkey's finished soon!!! xo

Simplicity said...

LOL at the Madonna comments! I saw her in concert recently and there's no meat...just tendons! You're better off with the turkey! :)

lady jicky said...

Afternoon boyfriend. well I shall be standing "down wind" from you!
Turkey curry and if you eat that bread hot out of that machine your Mum is obcessed with too - you will sure get farty!
Mind you boyfriend, there is nothing more evil than a pug fart and we fart alot!
I know - lets get together and have a Farty Party!
Kisses,
Rosie

Henry the Dog said...

DCup - (Henry laughs out loud), that's funny. Not beef - would upset Braja. Perhaps some chocolate? Oops, forgot I'm not supposed to have that.

CSquared - mum hasn't got any close neighbours, and I'm not sure if French folk would appreciate a Brit giving them bread - they're as proud of their bread as they are their cheese - wouldn't do for franco/anglaise relations. She'll get over it. It's a phase, trust me. Hope you had a lovely Christmas by the way. xxx

KC - look forward to seeing that:)

Diane - keep eating the chocolate. Mum read an article today about it and if she got her facts right you could be helping to feed poor families. But knowing mum, she probably got her facts wrong. I might write something about that tomorrow.

Simplicity - that's why I'm eating this turkey and not mum - It's all tendons. It really is as tough as old rope:(

Rosie - It doesn't matter what I eat, I still get plagued with gas from time to time. It's a dog thing isn't it? Bisous xxx

Braja said...

You're a sensitive boy Henry. I'd give you chocolate :)

Lee said...

This is like a Christmas pantomine!

All together now: HENRY! DON'T EAT THE CHOCOLATE!

Henry the Dog said...

Lee - I like to entertain - nothing wrong with a good Panto - "Oh yes there is"...."Oh no there isn't..." Actually, you chocolate lovers have prompted my next post;)

French Fancy said...

I know what you mean about the turkey going on and on. I got rid of all our leftovers with one huge dish of christmas shepherds pie. But I guess blitzed up brussels and the rest wouldn't really suit you.

How lovely to have the smell of baking bread though. I quite like making a loaf now and then - I find the kneading quite therapeutic but I guess the machine takes that away.Still good to have chemical free bread though.

Henry the Dog said...

FFancy - brussels are looking good at the mo (I'm so sick of turkey) and the smell of baking bread is ok from time to time, but not all day for three days;)