How to become a Celebrity in the UK

Mum was talking to me today because Uncle Hugh’s still away and she's nobody to talk to in English. All her other friends over here in France speak that strange 'gobbledygook'. So I guess she's lonely. Anyway she says that to be a ‘celebrity’ in the UK these days you no longer have to have talent. She says that having talent can actually be a hindrance. Apparently you don't have to be the brightest bulb either.

According to mum, other things that can help you to become famous in the UK are these:

- taking drugs (particularly if you are a model or a singer)
- having very large breasts
- having very large breasts and being filmed having them surgically reduced
- marrying someone really famous
- having one leg and marrying someone really famous
- sleeping with men who kick footballs around for a living and then telling the newspapers all about it.
- marrying men who kick footballs around for a living
- getting engaged to men who kick footballs around for a living
- having puppies with men who kick footballs around for a living
- being really bitchy whilst on Big Brother
- doing rude things whilst being on Big Brother
- being on Big Brother
- being on any other reality TV programme
- having an ASBO
- having an ASBO and auditioning for X-Factor
- being really REALLY crap and still auditioning for X-Factor
- winning loads of money and then spending it all whilst making everybody’s life a misery Lotto lout Mikey Carroll. (Please accept apologies for source of story - The Sun is not one of my fave newspapers)

I do think the UK is weird.