Mr Brown, Mr King and Dogs' Bollocks

Mum was ranting to Uncle Hugh this morning. She says that this guy called Mr Brown - who’s in charge of Downing Street in the UK - and this other guy called Mr King who lives in a big Bank in England and who I think is the Queen’s husband – have made a real ‘dogs bollocks’ of everything. Is that so bad?

Anyway, according to mum, these two guys have been telling the whole world that the UK is in recession, and so the markets are in a real mess again – all the cheese and stuff aren’t selling, the Credit Munch is worse than ever and mum’s cross. She said “Why didn’t they keep their stupid mouths shut? You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to know that telling the world you’re failing is hardly going to encourage folk to invest in you is it? How THICK can you get?” I think the Queen should have told her husband, Mr King, not to say anything. After all, she is in charge of the paper money in the UK - I know because her face is plastered all over it. She should have exercised more control over him. She should assert herself as Alpha Bitch, like mum does with me. I always do as I'm told (nearly).

I don’t really understand what a recession is, but it’s obviously something you don’t tell folk about, because it upsets mum, and I don’t like mum being upset. I think perhaps a recession is something to do with folk not having much money or plastic to spend. It’s certainly not affecting that Sarah Palin Pit Bull woman, I heard she’s spent more than £10 on her frocks and handbags and stuff since she got engaged to that really, REALLY old man, the one who is trying to be President of the US and whose name I can never remember. That is a LOT of money to spend on frocks. I bet nice man Mr Obama hasn’t spent anywhere near as much as that on his suits.