Smacking, Dog Borstal and the Rattle Bottle

Mum says that whilst all this Credit Munch nonsense was going on last week some NULabour people were sneakily trying to pass an amendment to a bill that would stop parents from being able to smack their puppies Smacking children is a decision for parents - Telegraph.

I don’t really know what a bill is now. I initially thought it was a piece of paper that nice Monsieur De Poste delivers in our postbox and makes mum sigh heavily when she looks at it and say “Shit”. So how can a bill stop you from doing something?

Anyway I’m digressing. Mum says that at the moment, people in the UK can slap their puppies, as long as they don’t do it too hard. I don’t think that’s such a bad thing. I reckon there are lots of human puppies in the UK that need a good slap. Horrid, badly behaved, rude little blighters most of them. Mum says that if it were made illegal then lots of stroppy teenagers and some smaller puppies could make their parents’ lives hell. She said that a teenager in a strop is capable of doing horrid things and that they’d probably call the police whenever they wanted to get their own way and lie to them that their parents had slapped them and the police would then have to arrest the parents. She said some teenagers already lie about teachers hitting them. She said that it would be chaos, with stroppy teenagers all over the country dialling 999 whenever they were grounded or simply told not to do something.

Why don’t they have Dog Borstal for human puppies? I like Dog Borstal, it’s on BBC3 in the UK – it's a bit like that Dog Whisperer programme that they have in the US. Dog Borstal is where useless dog owners go to be re-educated, and they take their dogs with them for company. Some of the owners are so useless to start with they can’t even walk to heel, but they really improve after a stint at dog borstal. I used to like a cool guy there called Mick, until he said that Mini Schnauzers were useless. Now I prefer that tubby one – Robert I think his name is. If they sent the naughty human puppies there I’m sure a few days with Mick, Robert, that woman with the bad teeth and the magic rattle bottle would work wonders.